Get to know…Kristen Schmitt-Clyne.

Until now, most Americans have known Kristen Schmitt-Clyne only as “Anxious in Avondale,” one of the most frequent and beloved contributors to the nationally syndicated Dear Abby® advice column. Lately, however, Kristen has had little time to ask Abby for advice, due to her all-consuming role as Spark’s crackerjack account executive. Digging deep into the Dear Abby archives, we have unearthed some of “Anxious in Avondale’s” most popular questions – questions that are certain to tug at the heart.

Dear Abby: I always bring a fresh Peach Jell-O mold to family functions. But last Thanksgiving my sister-in-law showed up with a Nectarine Jell-O salad, which tastes almost the same. I was mortified! What if she starts claiming to have 15-plus years experience in Media Communications and Business Operations? Those are my claims to fame, not hers!
- Anxious in Avondale

Dear Anxious: Put that meddlesome missy in her place by putting your media savvy to work! Next time, bake a fresh Blueberry Buckle!

Dear Abby: My longtime Quaker beliefs prevent me from using mechanical combines while harvesting. Does this also apply to my work at Spark, where I am often required to make Strawberry Daiquiris with an electric blender?
-Anxious in Avondale

Dear Anxious: Good news! Most frozen fruity drinks may be imbibed by members of both the Quaker and advertising communities, as long as no saliva is consumed in the process!

Dear Abby: My cat Benny and I have always believed that with patience, optimism, and hard work, almost anything is possible – including happiness. But when I share this with my co-workers at Spark, they laugh at me. Which of us is right?
-Anxious in Avondale

Dear Anxious: I’m sorry (guffaw!), can you repeat the question? Especially that part about (snicker) “happiness”?